Three young women are at a thingytail party. The conversation turns to their position in life and it's clear that they are trying to one-up each other.
The first one says, "My husband is taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks on vacation," and then looks at the others with a superior demeanor.
The second one says, "Well, my husband just bought me a new Mercedes," and looks about with considerable pride.
Number three says, "Well, to be perfectly honest with you, we don't have much money and we don't have any material possessions. However, one thing I can tell you about my husband is that thirteen canaries can stand shoulder to shoulder on his erect thingy."
After this, the first one looks shamefaced and says, "Girls, I've got a confession to make. I was just trying to impress you. You know that vacation I was telling you about? Well, it's not to the French Riviera, it's to my parents house for two weeks."
The second one says, "Your honesty has shamed me. It's not a Mercedes, he bought me a Plymouth."
"Well," the third one says, "I also have a confession to make, canary number thirteen has to stand on one leg!"
Some Marriages Insights « Result #2 on Mar 13, 2009, 9:10pm »
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. -- Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. -- Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. -- Milton Berle
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. -- George Burns
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. -- Cindy Garner
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake." -- Henny Youngman
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. -- Phyllis Diller
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. -- Henny Youngman
People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman. -- Erma Bombeck
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
Matt..... if I didn't have too much wine, and you weren't so busy plugging your band I would have loved to asked how/if I could contact you..... so this was as good as I could do for now, maybe you'll get this..... anyhow, other than the fact that you are pretty easy on the eyes, quite the looker I may say, I took a listen to your band.... and I am impressed..... btw Maynard is one of my favs..... I do hope you get this was so nice crossing paths last night JO
How the Elephant got his trunk « Result #4 on Mar 1, 2009, 9:30pm »
Once upon a time, there was a sad elephant. He was dirty and stinky, because he could not reach to wash his back. All the other animals didn¨t play with him because he was smelly. Elephant sat under a tree, where nobody could see him. He started to cry. His head was hanging down, crying big tears. He sat and cried for days. One day, when his tears had dried up, he went to itch his head and he felt a bump on his back. Then he noticed his nose had stretched because it had got wet with all the crying and it was now a long trunk which had hit him on his back. He went to the river and got his trunk, put it in the water and sucked the water up. Then he sprayed his back with water. All the other animals came over to him and said ＾you are so clean and smell so lovely. Do you want to play with us?￣ The elephant was so happy and said ＾yes.￣
These Things I Wish for You « Result #5 on Feb 18, 2009, 4:45am »
We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that we made them worse. For my grandchildren, I¨d know better.
I¨d really like for them to know about hand-me-down clothes and home-made ice cream and leftover meatloaf. I really would.
My cherished grandson,wow power leveling I hope you learn humility by surviving failure and that you learn to be honest even when no one is looking.
I hope you learn to make your bed and mow the lawn and wash the car -- and I hope nobody gives you a brand-new car when you are sixteen.
It will be good if at least one time you can see a baby calf born, and you have a good friend to be with you if you ever have to put your old dog to sleep.
I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in.
I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother.wow power leveling And it is all right to draw a line down the middle of the room, but when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he¨s scared, I hope you¨ll let him.
And when you want to see a Disney movie and your kid brother wants to tag along, I hope you take him.
I hope you have to walk uphill with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely.
If you want a slingshot,wow power leveling I hope your father teaches you how to make one instead of buying one. I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books, and when you learn to use computers, you also learn how to add and subtract in your head.
I hope you get razzed by friends when you have your first crush on a girl, and that when you talk back to your mother you learn what Ivory soap tastes like.
May you skin your knee climbing a mountain,wow gold burn your hand on the stove and stick your tongue on a frozen flagpole.
I hope you get sick when someone blows smoke in your face. I don¨t care if you try beer once, but I hope you won¨t like it.wow gold And if a friend offers you a joint or any drugs, I hope you are smart enough to realize that person is not your friend.
I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your grandpa or go fishing with your uncle.
I hope your mother punishes you when you throw a baseball through a neighbor¨s window,wow gold and that she hugs you and kisses you when you give her a plaster of paris mold of your hand.
These things I wish for you -- tough times and disappointment, hard work and happiness.
The Giving Trees « Result #6 on Feb 12, 2009, 8:36pm »
was a single parent of four small children, working at a minimum-wage job. Money was always tight, but we had a roof over our heads, food on the table, clothes on our backs, and if not a lot, always enough.wow power leveling My kids told me that in those days they didn't know we were poor. They just thought Mom was cheap. I've always been glad about that. It was Christmas time, and although there wasn't' money for a lot of gifts, we planned to celebrate with church and family, parties and friends, drives downtown to see the Christmas lights, special dinners,wow gold and by decorating our home. But the big excitement for the kids was the fun of Christmas shopping at the mall. They talked and planned for weeks ahead of time, asking each other and their grandparents what they wanted for Christmas. I dreaded it. I had saved $120 for presents to be shared by all five of us. The big day arrived and we started out early. I gave each of the four kids a twenty dollar bill and reminded them to look for gifts about four dollars each. Then everyone scattered. We had two hours to shop; then we would meet back at the "Santa's workshop" display. Back in the car driving home,wow power leveling everyone was in high Christmas spirits, laughing and teasing each other with hints and clues about what they had bought. My younger daughter, Ginger, who was about eight years old, was unusually quiet. I noted she had only one small, flat bag with her after her shopping spree. I could see enough through the plastic bag to tell that she had bought candy bars - fifty-cent candy bars! I was so angry. What did you do with that twenty dollar bill I gave you? I wanted to yell at her,wow gold but I didn't say anything until we got home. I called her into my bedroom and closed the door, ready to be angry again when I asked her what she had done with the money. This is what she told me: "I was looking around, thinking of what to buy, and I stopped to read the little cards on one of the Salvation Army's 'Giving Trees.' One of the cards was for a little girl,wow power leveling four years old, and all she wanted for Christmas was a doll with clothes and a hairbrush.wow gold So I took the card off the tree and bought the doll and hairbrush for her and took it to the Salvation Army booth. "I only had enough money left to buy candy bars for us," Ginger continued. "But we have so much and she doesn't have anything." I never felt so rich as I did that day.
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Looking to buy WOW Gold « Result #8 on Mar 21, 2008, 2:06am »
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9. How do you spend your leisure time? Mention a cross section of interests-active and quiet, social and solitary -- rather just one. 10. Are there any weaknesses in your education or experience? Take stock of your weaknesses before the interview. Practice discussing them in a positive light. You'll find that they are minor when discussed along with all the positive things you have to offer. 11. Where do you want to be five years from now? Saying that you'd like to be president is unrealistic, yet few employers want people who are content to sit still. You might say, "in five years, I'd like to have my boss's job. " If you can't qualify for your boss's job by then, you may not be the fright candidate. 12. What are your salary expectations? If you are asked this at the outset,SRO Gold,SilkRoad Online Gold,eq2 plat,eq2 gold,eq2 Platinum,EverQuest 2 Platinumrolex replica,replica rolex,EverQuest 2 gold,EverQuest 2 plat,lotro gold,lotr gold,Lord of the Rings online Gold,wow cd key,lineage2 cd key,lineage 2 account,lord of the rings online powerleveling,lord of the rings online gold, it's best to say, "Why don't we discuss salary after you decide whether I'm right for the job? "But if the interviewer asks this after showing real interest in you, speak up. She or he will probably try to meet your price. If you need a clue about what to ask for, say, " Can you discuss your salary range with me?" 13. What would you do if....? This question is designed to test your reposes. For example: "What would you do if your computer broke down during an audit?" Your answer there isn't nearly so important as your approach to the problem. And a calm approach is best. Start by saying, "One thing I might do is ..." Then give several alternative choices. 14. What type of position are you interested in? Job titles and responsibilities vary from firm to firm . So state your skills instead, such as "I'm good at figure work," and the positions that req 15. Tell me something about yourself. Say you'll be happy to talk about yourself, and ask what the interviewer wants to know. If this point is clarified, respond. If not, tell why you feel your skills will contribute to the job and the organization. This question gives you a great opportunity to sell yourself. 16. Do you have any questions about the organization or the job? Employers like a candidate who is interested in the organization. so this is a perfect time to convey your interest and enthusiasm. q9p5u7cc
Re: General Band News « Result #10 on Sept 27, 2007, 2:15pm »
I really like the band. I was wondering if you could send me all the lyrics to my email fisher.thomas.5680@dupage.edu? or tell me where I can find them cuz I cant anywhere
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I would have loved to asked how/if I could contact you..... so this was as good as I could do for now, maybe you'll get this..... anyhow, other than the fact that you are pretty easy on the eyes, quite the looker I may say, I took a listen to your band.... and I am impressed..... btw Maynard is one of my favs..... I do hope you get this was so nice crossing paths last night JO
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